Narcissism, Blogging, and my Mother...

Years ago, I began writing a blog of my own. (i.e. you’re reading it). I was single at the time and wanted a creative outlet for my life experiences that did not include 12093809830294803298 Facebook photos or whatever. I was inspired by another blog I read penned by a single girl just writing about her hilarious dating stories, work stories, her crazy roommates, and so on. The idea just struck me as “I WANT TO DO THAT! I CAN BE ENTERTAINING TOO!” sooo here we are. 

My first year of this here website consisted of snarky posts about random things, then I transitioned to chatting about the boyfriend [now husband!], and then as life picked up and I moved across the country my blogging slowed down significantly. May was a big effort, as I tried very hard to follow the “Blog Ever Day in May” challenge posted by a blog I follow. Buuuuut now it’s October.

Life gets busy, and when I get home the last thing I want to do is get back on a computer and ignore my husband who I haven’t seen [fully conscious] since the night before. Mornings with him don’t count because he’s usually half asleep, and he’s really not a morning person so I just leave him alone and buzz around him…quietly.  Today, for example I am writing this on Word so then I can post it later. That’s how I do most of my posting- I write when something strikes me and then [try to] remember to post it later that day from the comfort of my own home.

I don't actually like America, just this 'vintage' headband

So here I am; posting another random post but this topic has really genuinely been weighing heavy on me for a while. Let me walk you through my thought process. A number of months ago, before I turned 29, I saw this Ted talk titled “Why 30 is not the new 20”. It spoke heavily to me- as if she was taking some of my conclusions I’d come to personally and spouting them off as her own findings. As she stated, it was an “aha!” moment. She basically talked about how many of my generation’s folks and the twenty-something’s before me are essentially extending their carefree adolescence until their 30^th birthday or even later. And because these young folks are making these choices, their whole life in terms of a family, career, etc, is delayed or sometimes never really takes off. Ever.

Not every person wants that, which is completely fine. Some like to wander alone and find their place in the world. Great! As long as my hard earned dollars don’t fund that search [i.e. government entitlements like welfare, etc.] then search away! I absolutely won’t lose a wink over your choices.

She's 25? Really?

And then there are articles written like this one titled “Because I’m a Twenty Something”. It was written by none other than a twenty something and speaking from her quarter of a century of experiences. Her goal was to encourage those of her generation to break the mold, and carpe diem! But telling her fellow twentysomethings to “i hope you buy a plane ticket to paris”, and to change your mind all the time and live at home or don’t. As a 29 year old who has been on her own since she was 23, that suggestion was baffling. Her advice is to make rash decisions and live on impulses and only think of yourself and what you want and what your goals are, to hell with anyone else. There are plenty of ways to seize the day and still make responsible decisions that pay your bills and put food on your table. A mature person knows this.


The next step in this thought process of “Narcissism, Blogging, and my Mother” is a blog titled “Story of My Life , written by a 26 year old woman named Jenni, living in Austin, TX. She writes about her life, and “…is a direct reflection of her obsession with social media, good design, photos that draw you in and tell a story, fashion, interior design, exploring Austin, and sharing my life in a (sometimes) funny, meaningful, insightful, and beautiful way. Hope you’ll stay a while.” I first found this blog through the original one who inspired me to start this one. This girl is really really beautiful- but after following her for almost 2 years, I’m losing interest quickly. Though initially she was a stay-at-home-blogger, she did inspire me to start my photo business- I mean, she just up and did it and seems to be really happy. [my little business is still on the runway, taxiing to takeoff. Heh!]. However, her posts include ohhhh so many pictures of herself in expensive clothing fitted to her petite frame, framed by her very long, thick dark hair that flows down from her lovely, alabaster skin where her absolutely perfect smile spreads out. She’s so pretty it’s almost annoying. And by the 10^th shot of her in the same outfit, just from a different angle, I’m annoyed. What takes away the almost is when she talks about how her “fat goes right to her ass”, and claims to have “horrible skin”. Seriously? What are you? A size 4? On a fat day? Another annoying factor is when she pens ‘outfit posts’ and says things like “ Let me apologize for the post about to come” but seriously looks like a knockout. Or says “My closet has turned into this weird thing full of free clothes that aren't really even ME. “Are your diamond shoes too tight as well? Please.

From the amount of time she spends in front of the camera posing and smiling, homegirl really sends a mixed message. Own your narcissism, sister! You’ve made money off writing about your life, selling your story in such an appealing way that you have thousands of readers. CLEARLY you know you’re interesting enough that people want to see 10 shots of you in a flowy top and skinny jeans, talking about how you struggle to get things done around your home and have no concept of time. I myself began following you because you seem to have great style and we like a few of the same things- but over the years, as I became a wife and stayed a working girl outside the home- I just can’t relate to your troubles. But I'll follow along and snag decor and photography tips anyway. 



Who doesn't love watermelons?!



And I feel really really  mean thinking unkind thoughts about someone I have never actually met in real life. She must be a gem to be around because she has tons of readers who gush over how delighted they were to meet her in real life.  But then I came across this blog “Why do blogs suck?” It was HILARIOUS! This girl is funny, pretty, but doesn’t take herself too seriously. I love reading her stories about her students, and her ginger husband. And I realized that I am NOT alone in my tendencies to get irritated at women who do the things that Jenni does. Bonnie also hates too many photos of the author. All the things I don’t like, she doesn’t like either!

Her first thing on her list of 9 reasons was what captured me most- “Too much gushy with the boy?” OMG OMG OMG! Ever since Facebook hit my college campus in 2005, it BLEW ME AWAY about how much information folks would share. With everyone. All the time The passive aggressive posting about being angry, or giving away your location when you said you were somewhere else. Then came the pictures of underaged drinking, of-aged drinking, of barfing in the parking-lot, of you and your boyfriend joined at the jaw, of you with your arm propped up to look skinner, of your entire wedding… BLEW ME AWAY!!!! My rule of thumb has generally been “if you won’t show your mom, don’t post it.” Personally, writing a short novel to my Mom about my unwavering devotion and deep love for my husband would not only turn her stomach, but would make me feel like a moron. Not because the feelings aren’t real, but shouldn’t a gal [or guy] just tell their mate how they feel? Put it in a card, and give it to your mate. The end.  

We twenty-something women are all a bit narcissistic, though. To establish a website devoted solely to our own writing and photos? To have a Facebook page only for us? To tell our audience every day “what’s on our mind”? How interesting can we possibly be? Some are really interesting, others are not. Like Bonnie, I appreciate a well rounded blog- good mix of style tips, pictures, recipes, hilarious life stories, and even a sprinkle of faith. I try to be the blog I would want to read.  The one exception I’ll make on the ‘too many pictures’ issue is fashion blogs. I only “read” those for the pictures. Most days, I know how to dress myself, but there are some days that inspiration lacks and I need some help.

Another great point Bonnie makes, is a blog feeling “Inauthentic”. Oh. Boy. Can. I. Relate!!!!!!!!!I love to look at pretty pictures and read good writing, but by the end of a post sometimes I am like “no way she’s that happy and put together every day.” Or wondering how a blogger affords the activities she writes about when she’ll have just posted a day or two earlier about struggling with a budget. Look, bloggers- life isn’t pretty. The more you try to make yours look like a dream world, the less I will believe your content. I would rather read about a crazy cooking disaster on a friend or family member’s birthday than to see just one more freaking picture of your Martha Stewart worthy meal. Ugh. Seriously? I don’t buy it and neither should anyone else.

In addition to being a touch narcissistic, it also baffles me that someone can actually make money these days simply buy doing what I am just doing now. Writing for a little website I set up for free. It’s awesome because it can afford some folks to work from home, but wow. What a crazy concept! I’m not sure I could ever transition to put enough effort into this to attempt to make money- I like 3D people too much. This really is just a hobby/creative outlet for me to put thoughts out there and share my photography work on here.

And finally, my mother. For the few outfit posts I did post in an attempt to be more trendy- I felt ridiculous. I felt really self-obsessed handing the camera to my husband and saying “here, babe. Take pictures of me.” And then as he thoughtlessly snapped away on some photos for me, not really making an effort to focus and get good angles, I actually got annoyed!!!! Hahahahaha!!!!!

All I could hear in the back of my head was my mother’s voice saying “Wow, don’t you think a lot of yourself?!” And she has a point! My mom has a Facebook, but only to see my posts and pictures of my husband and I and my cats. She refuses to put up a profile picture. She doesn’t like having her photo taken, so she won’t let me take any. Period. I believe her.  Just like I get annoyed at too many kiddo photos, I’m sure people get sick of my cats. She just doesn’t come from a generation where you get online and get verbal diarrhea, sharing every single thought you have all day long. I appreciate that. Face to face chats or phone calls mean more to her than me writing “I love you” on her Facebook wall.  I completely agree with her. We have become a society of being plugged in to others all the time and do the virtual pissing match of “I’m more accomplished than you”.  If you didn’t take yet another picture of yourself at the gym, you didn’t really work out. If you relationship isn’t declared on Facebook, it’s not official.  If you have an amazing looking meal, you Instagram it. And if you didn’t place a #infrontofthedescription no one can look for your picture so it doesn’t matter.

As twenty-somethings we should also hopefully realize that our parents were right. Period. They are smart and have life experience to share. It’s valuable and we should listen and respect them. We should have a plan for our self and always make choices working toward our goals. Now is the time to start. At 18 was the time to start. Although I remember at 18 I couldn’t wait to buy cigarettes legally and get my bellybutton pierced. Because I lived at home, my parents said no and that if I did that, they would rip it out. My parents didn’t waver on their threats, and at 29 my life is just fine without that hole in my bellybutton.

A decade of haphazard decisions that don’t include saving for the future and building a resume can only end in disaster and it’s a fear that Ms. Jay expressed in her Ted Talk I referenced at the beginning of this incredibly long post. I agree with her. When I was a teenager, I couldn’t wait to get old enough to work and make money and get out on my own. Although my parents would never accept rent and never ever told me to leave, I wanted to leave. I wanted to be an adult, on my own. So many young folks these days just don’t have that same drive and it’s infuriating to watch. We shouldn’t be afraid to fail for trying, we should be afraid to miss out on our destiny…not the next text coming our way.