Lulu- The Man Stealer

At Grandmas, missing  Chuck...

My cat, Lulu is a special one. She likes boys. A lot. Her first boyfriend was my good friend Chuck. She loved him and would physically throw herself at him. It was pretty funny. Sadly though, school ended and we all moved on so she had to leave Chuck although she missed him.

Then she moved in with her Grandparents and adopted the dog as her next boyfriend. But he was scared of cats so it didn't work out. Then Mom (i.e. moi) came back and moved Lulu and Leo to VA with her so Lulu was on her own again. Poor kitty.

Yeahhh, that was until I met B and we began dating. Then she whipped out a new bag of tricks trying to get his attention away from me. Seriously. She's such a flirt and it's so ridiculous! She will seriously wait until I've left the room and then begin rolling and sauntering her way towards him. First she'll ruuuub on all the furniture. Then innocently hop up on the end table and make her way along the back of the couch- ultimately ending her journey behind B's head. Then she'll commence rubbing her face and body all over the back of his head, on his shoulders, and on his hands. All the while, looking RIGHT AT ME as she does this little song and dance.

Ridiculous!

See?? Apartment tart!

When he's not at the apartment, she'll look around for him. Leo? Well, he just wants attention.

Leo likes him too, but most cause he likes having another man in the house.

Kitties DO decide when it's petting time...Lulu has appropriate timing. Leo does not. (bless his little heart!)

Who NOT to pick for "What Not To Wear"

That swim suit is being punished. Along with my eyes.

 

"What Not to Wear" is a fantastic show where horribly dressed people get shown the error of their ways, and given $5,000 to fix it. Yes, that's right. FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!! PLUS they get a free haircut & color and a makeup artist shows them how to NOT look like crap. Now being a Christian woman, I'm very supportive of charities for worthy causes and quite frankly, someone's horrible choice in clothing certainly is a worthy cause to me. First, because it offends my eyes. They didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't have to look at such an atrocity on a daily basis. And second, because most folks can't afford to just drop a few grand to revamp their wardrobe on a minute's notice so a little help is always nice. More good karma should be put into the world. That's why [barring really bad service] I always over-tip.

While this all sounds wonderful, there's just a teeny little problem I have with the show's creators..or whoever is in charge of selecting the lucky person to be featured on each episode.

WHY DO YOU PICK THE MOST UNBELIEVABLY UNGRATEFUL SELFISH PEOPLE TO GET $5000 WORTH OF NEW CLOTHES????????????

Seriously!!! It's unfair! The latest episode I watched featured a woman who actually worked at a textile company in the design department, yet she couldn't dress her way out of a paper bag. She's in her 40's, a little heavy set, and thought that white socks, clogs, dumpy shirts, & brightly colored patterned leggings were a good idea for daily wear. Those should only be found on thin, attractive women... and ONLY on October 31st of each year. The tights weren't the worst part, believe it or not. It was actually her attitude. All she did was complain. The whole time. About how everything she picked out to try on looked awful on her. Gee, I'm so sorry, ma'am. That $5000 shopping spree you've been given must really be stressing you out! What a horrible thing to have to burden?! Poor thing...

Keep telling yourself that.

Well, of COURSE all your choices look like shit on you! That's kinda why you're on this show in the first place. You can't even dress yourself with YOUR clothes so thinking that putting on more expensive threads will suddenly make you a size 6 and well dressed is just absurd! And don't even try to blame the store for not carrying the right size or style of clothing for you. No. Just no.

Step 1- know your body type. (pear shaped, busty, no curves, etc.) 

Step 2- know your color pallet. (pale skin + pale shades= bad choice.). 

Step 3-dress for your age. (not the age you wish you were.)

This will make ALL the difference in the world in keeping you looking put together, professional, and attractive.

So who should the producers select for this show? 

A DESERVING, GRATEFUL, PRODUCTIVE 

MEMBER OF SOCIETY!!!  

     Perhaps a new Mom looking to dress for her newly changed body. Maybe someone from the Biggest Loser who doesn't have anything smaller than a camping tent to wear to work. A college graduate who can't afford a professional wardrobe to go out and interview in. A military service member just back from a long deployment. (they defended our country so you, Stacey and Clinton, should protect my eyes!)