Sunday is a Leopard Day...

Sunday was an animal sort of day- we enjoyed our last day of meat-eating with our friends from Church. This year, for Orthodox Lent I will be joining the husband in his meat & dairy fast for 40 days. This is going to get interesting since I've never been this strict with my own diet [voluntarily]. Among the delicious eats at the picnic were brautwersts, steaks, bacon, hot dogs, and keilbasa. Very delicious and filling! And now, what I wore!

Meow!

Accessorizing!

Even some animal print inside the clutch from H&M

Dress is dark green, scarf, sweat, and purse were black.

Ring photo for good measure :)

Hair this!!!!!!

Well, today was my last hair appointment at my salon here in Virginia.  I was a little sad as I waltzed out, doing the obligatory 'hair flip' as I put on my shades and headed to the car.  After 2 and a half years, my girl Ashley has helped me go from weedwhacker victim to proper lady with big southern hair!  I'm going to miss her...

Pre-Ashley's Magic:

OCS was not a kind place for girls...

Muffin hair is sexy! hahahaha

Post Ashley's Magic...

Pre-Deployment

Pause for Bahrain tragedy...

HOLY F...I had bags and flippy things.

Thank goodness, it grew and I recovered in time for Greece!

Ahhhh....Ashley rescued me!

Hello America! My hair is BACK!

She even cut Ben's hair a few times! (sorry babe)

YAY! Normal, big, long hair!

...In short, many thanks to my fabulous hairstylist Ashley :)  I will miss her mad skillz and friendship dearly. If anyone in Norfolk / VA Beach is stylist shopping, go to Twist Salon. They are fabulous!

30 Day Photo Challenge

365 Days. 365 Photos. Yeah. Right. That's gonna take some serious dedication on my part to complete such a tasker. But 30 days? Bring it!!! I did snag this idea from a blog I admire: Story of My Life. The author is a lot like me in her fancy for being a successful domestic diva; gorgeous, sassy, likes to whip up delicious treats [sometimes for others], loves her family, friends, and most of all her man!

So, 30 Days. 30 Photos. This can't be too difficult since the next 30 days are going to quite an adventure. B is transferring very soon to our future home of sunny California. Yep. I said "our". Such a big step and I can't wait! So from October - March we'll be doing the distance thing. These photos should keep things fun since he's a regular reader of this oh-so-fabulous-blog. What will these pics be of? Let's see....

Day 1. Self Portrait
Day 2. What I wore
Day 3. Clouds
Day 4. Favorite Color
Day 5. Someone I love
Day 6. Childhood Memory
Day 7. Something New
Day 8. Technology
Day 9. Faceless self portrait
Day 10. Something I made
Day 11. Something Fun
Day 12. Close-up
Day 13. From a distance
Day 14. Flowers
Day 15. My shoes
Day 16. What I ate
Day 17. On the shelf
Day 18. In my bag
Day 19. Where I slept
Day 20. What I read
Day 21. Pretty pattern
Day 22. Trees
Day 23. Sunset
Day 24. A smile
Day 25. A sunflare
Day 26. Something old
Day 27. Afterdark
Day 28. Daily routine
Day 29. Purchased
Day 30. In motion

And for the record, B...you will likely end up as #26 since you made fun of this whole project. So there! =P

Repel This!

Let me put this out there: I absolutely L-O-V-E The Man Repeller. While 90% of her style choices would look like absolute garbage on me, her funky fashion-forward looks are fantastic on her lean frame. She's so lucky to have such long legs and gorgeous hair- hell, she'd look good in a freaking potato sack!

Anyway, what I do want to address is the models in her recent post... (no disrespect to them or TMR for choosing the pics.) I just couldn't stifle my giggles as I read through her latest post. The expressions call for some C&S expressions added.

Are you shitting me? These pants belong on MC Hammer's wife's bridesmaids.  ("Can't marry this!" Duuh-na-na-na. Dadum! Dadum!)
No really. Why? Why the hell are parachute pants even being made? It's bad enough that certain branches of the military still think that pleated pants are a solid choice for ladies uniforms. Now they're actually being VOLUNTARILY PURCHASED?? Holy smokes!

No joke, I think my mother has this scarf...and this jacket. And so does Melanie Griffith. She got it off the set of "Working Girl". Hello, ladies. It's 2011 and life is too short for poor fashion choices.

 No, ma'am. Leopard print should be worn SPARINGLY!!!!!! Unless you're married to Ice-T, don't do it. It's just not fair to my eyes. But you work it, model girl. Strike that pose!

American Pickers is a show about people who rummage yard sales and flea markets for valuable treasures. Clearly, this girl found the best treasures of all! WINNING! A 'picked' over sweater paired up with Britney Spears' tossed aside jean shorts. The best part of this outfit [seriously] is her shoes. They are fun and sexy. However the model doesn't seem to think so, based on her "I look stupid and I know it" expression. Yes, dear. Yes you do.

NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN A MULLET. Be it haircut or dress, it's bound to be a disaster. Look how pissed off the model is? I bet she was late to the shoot and they decided to stick her with the dress that all the on-time-models were like "Paha! i ain't wearing that garbage!"

Who NOT to pick for "What Not To Wear"

That swim suit is being punished. Along with my eyes.

 

"What Not to Wear" is a fantastic show where horribly dressed people get shown the error of their ways, and given $5,000 to fix it. Yes, that's right. FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!! PLUS they get a free haircut & color and a makeup artist shows them how to NOT look like crap. Now being a Christian woman, I'm very supportive of charities for worthy causes and quite frankly, someone's horrible choice in clothing certainly is a worthy cause to me. First, because it offends my eyes. They didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't have to look at such an atrocity on a daily basis. And second, because most folks can't afford to just drop a few grand to revamp their wardrobe on a minute's notice so a little help is always nice. More good karma should be put into the world. That's why [barring really bad service] I always over-tip.

While this all sounds wonderful, there's just a teeny little problem I have with the show's creators..or whoever is in charge of selecting the lucky person to be featured on each episode.

WHY DO YOU PICK THE MOST UNBELIEVABLY UNGRATEFUL SELFISH PEOPLE TO GET $5000 WORTH OF NEW CLOTHES????????????

Seriously!!! It's unfair! The latest episode I watched featured a woman who actually worked at a textile company in the design department, yet she couldn't dress her way out of a paper bag. She's in her 40's, a little heavy set, and thought that white socks, clogs, dumpy shirts, & brightly colored patterned leggings were a good idea for daily wear. Those should only be found on thin, attractive women... and ONLY on October 31st of each year. The tights weren't the worst part, believe it or not. It was actually her attitude. All she did was complain. The whole time. About how everything she picked out to try on looked awful on her. Gee, I'm so sorry, ma'am. That $5000 shopping spree you've been given must really be stressing you out! What a horrible thing to have to burden?! Poor thing...

Keep telling yourself that.

Well, of COURSE all your choices look like shit on you! That's kinda why you're on this show in the first place. You can't even dress yourself with YOUR clothes so thinking that putting on more expensive threads will suddenly make you a size 6 and well dressed is just absurd! And don't even try to blame the store for not carrying the right size or style of clothing for you. No. Just no.

Step 1- know your body type. (pear shaped, busty, no curves, etc.) 

Step 2- know your color pallet. (pale skin + pale shades= bad choice.). 

Step 3-dress for your age. (not the age you wish you were.)

This will make ALL the difference in the world in keeping you looking put together, professional, and attractive.

So who should the producers select for this show? 

A DESERVING, GRATEFUL, PRODUCTIVE 

MEMBER OF SOCIETY!!!  

     Perhaps a new Mom looking to dress for her newly changed body. Maybe someone from the Biggest Loser who doesn't have anything smaller than a camping tent to wear to work. A college graduate who can't afford a professional wardrobe to go out and interview in. A military service member just back from a long deployment. (they defended our country so you, Stacey and Clinton, should protect my eyes!)

 

 

Hollywood Tacky Wrap.

Lady Gaga, Nicki Manaj, and Ice-T's wife Coco (I'll refer to her as MIT- Mrs.Ice T)... those names conjure up a variety of images filled with color, shapes, and meat. Just roll 'em up for a "Hollywood Tacky Wrap". Similar to the Olsen twins reminding me of little girls playing dress up with Mommy's clothes, LG, NM, and MIT also remind me of girls playing dress up... in a Halloween-meets-Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory kind of world. Yep. I went there. But hey- when you show up in public wearing a dress made of sirloins and t-bones, you've asked for it!

First let's take a look at LG.

Shit. I can't see.

Cats are supposed to find the toy in everything. LG finds the "accessory" in everything. Hair into a bow. Bozo shades likely made of drink coasters from a frat house. Orange skin. A meat dress that could double as a dinner. Just come on down to Norfolk this August and lay down on a sidewalk. You'll be 'well done' in no time! Just don't do it in front of the SPCA building. It might cause some confusion among the newly adopted kittens and puppies on their way out the door. Constantly making a "Vogue" face? No no. That is probably just the confusion and horror you feel at looking the way you do. Personally I'd be thinking "Holy shit. I can't believe that I go in public like this, sing stupid songs, and still manage to make enough money to pay my bills!!!" And then the "egg" arrival. LG, you weren't 'born'. No ma'm. We could see you in there waving. Or where you gasping for air and flagging us for help? Either way, performing arts really takes on a whole new meaning here. PS- I'll take mine medium rare. Thanks!


Next up: NM.

Maybe she's color blind...looking at this, I wish I was.

Yes. All 4 images in that picture are the same woman. Hard to believe. I know. First, she squeezed into all the pantyhose left over from the female contestants on "Biggest Loser". Next, she tried to blend in with her bathroom wallpaper. Very stealth. After that, enter the jewelry box explosion. Her earrings stuck to the dress, and then bracelets were embedded into the hips of the dress. Guess there's no need to accessorize this outfit!!! and Last..um..well. Looks like you made a Lisa Frank folder into a dress, stole Barbie's shoes, and then put cotton candy on your head to 'top off' the outfit. Hey, if you get hungry at least your hair doubles as a snack.

Last one- MIT.

"My what are showing???"

Embarrassingly enough, I've sat through several episodes of "Ice Loves Coco". Mostly it was because I was too comfortable to get up and change the channel. The rest of the reason is what we'll now call "Train Wreck Syndrome"- the inability to look away from absurd behavior due to the extreme entertainment factor. MIT, your husband resembles your dog. You? You're not a bad looking lady. Truly. However let's talk about a few things. Painted on clothes, ENORMOUS fake boobs, orange skin, winged eyeliner, barbie pink lipstick, white hair that's way too long for a 30 year old, black eyebrows, and too much bronzer on top of already-orange skin? YUCK! And every day? Didn't you ever hear the trick of "less is more"? In your defense- you does have some pretty damn fabulous shoes and I love that you came out with a line of clothing for curvy girls. My ass and hips said to tell you "Thanks!"
My favorite Coco moment is when she couldn't decide if she wanted to be her sister's birth coach or not... Coco, dear. The fact that you didn't instantly say yes just shows how unbelievably self centered you are. She's your sister, you pumpkin-colored dummy! Don't ask questions, just be there. This isn't an earth shattering decision despite how you tried to pretend it was and then acted let down when your sister was like "cool, thanks." What did you want? Tears? Shaking, crying, and uncontrollable gratuity? Get over yourself! And p.s.- the baby will come out whether you're there or not. Double p.s.- Alcohol at a baby shower is tacky.

....Thanks, ladies. This HTW is 'Licious'!!!

Hollywood's Latest Craze: The-Child-Molester-Look

Jack Nicholson? Is that you?

Yesterday, I went to the hair salon for a touchup on my highlights. Life really is better as a blonde. (just FYI) My 1st favorite thing about getting my hair done is the commercial-esque hair flip I get to do as I waltz out of the salon at the end- looking and feeling fabulous. My 2nd favorite part about getting my hair done is sitting under the dryer in the massaging chair, and flipping through trashy magazines. Yay! Hollywood gossip always makes me feel better about myself, my fashion choices, and my life overall. So as I flipped through the stack of trash that my stylist handed me something horrible was staring back at me from the cover of People. It was Charlie Sheen. Looking like this. 

Sparrow? Where are your feathers?

Could it get worse? Yes. Then I saw Johnny Depp looking like this.

I don't know what's worse. The clown-paid shirt or the gold chain.

Then I realized that the older men of Hollywood are actually trying to look cool by donning accessories that look like they came from a costume box at a cheap theater. Why? Patricia Fields wouldn't even do this. And the younger men are shying away from the creepy tinted glasses and instead are adding scarves, trendy readers, or ACTUAL sunglasses to this stupid look. Seriously?

                                                                       NEWS FLASH
                                Unless you're wearing a nice 3-piece suit, do not wear a hat. Ever.

You will look stupid...and like you forgot to finish getting dressed. Also, tinted glasses are creepy (not trendy) and intended for little Asian men who do nails or sell 'antiques'.The only man who could ever pull this off is Cary Grant. Period. Baseball caps are occasionally ok, just not inside restaurants that don't have girls in orange shorts and white knee socks.

And FSG's: unless The rain in Spain is falling mainly in the plain, please save hats for: the beach, costume parties, cold weather, and [of course] Horse Races.

"AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy"