SSB Part II

SSB PART II

     When we meet a guy, our behavior instantly changes. Whether we like to admit it or not, it does. Whether we’re dreaming about monogrammed towels or simply planning for date number 3 with the FB (typically known as the ‘sex date’). But until we meet said FB, we are just our SS.

     As previously mentioned, many guys have some particularly scary SSB. My research for the traits I mentioned has been thorough- mostly coming from former FBs, PH’s, SB’s, and finally my current roommates. (Bless their hearts). Gents, I by no means, do not think that women are incapable demonstrate behavior that it just as disturbing. I have seen girls’ apartments that would even make a homeless man’s skin crawl. Let’s face it- not everyone learned proper toilet scrubbing techniques. But a girl’s SSB is probably more quirky and comical, where a guy’s SSB is more of a health department case.

Girl SSB includes:

- eating while standing up, usually over the kitchen sink or on the small space of counter nearby.

- eating ice cream directly from the pint. Ok. Tub. Eating it from the tub.

- making funny little snacks like this: 5 unsalted crackers, each topped with a small amount of peanut butter, then chocolate chips. Microwave for 10 second then eat. Pairs great with ice cold moo-juice.

- eating Chinese takeout while lying in bed…on a Friday night.
- having drinks with another FSG on a Friday night...via Skype.

- devoting every Sunday morning to a full on field day of your apartment. A pot of coffee, Britney Spears on full blast, and rubber gloves…yay!

- singing in the shower

- not shaving your legs more than 2x/week.

- wearing granny-panties at random

- watching sad girly movies that you know will make you cry

- excessive shoe shopping

- going out with your other FSG’s disguised as DGs just for an ego boost

- cheesy romance novels

- weekly spa-pedicures

- only ordering pizza when you know the adorable pizza guy will be delivering

- singing at the top of your lungs in the car

- wearing big sunglasses.

- 3 hour lunches on weekends that often result in extreme intoxication, fueling you into a blur of a Saturday night. (WARNING: may lead to DS with an ONS)

- window shopping on a Saturday afternoon. For 3 hours.

- staying in your PJs all day.

- buying yourself flowers to brighten up the apartment.

- having dinner parties just so you can cook a full meal without the guilt of knowing you won’t eat the leftovers. Hungry guests=no leftovers PLUS they bring great booze.

- looking at facebook pages of old boyfriends in the hopes that they’re fat or dating someone fat and ugly.

- rearranging furniture

- redecorating. For the 3^rd time this year.

- talking yourself into a home improvement project like painting a wall in the apartment, or retiling the bathroom floor. Then realizing you probably shouldn’t. And you can’t.

- re-reading love letters from old FB’s and [hopefully] laughing.

- 2 hour phone-dates with other FSG’s

- Wine Nights at your apartment with your FSG’s.

- slathering thick lotion on your hands and sleeping with socks on them.

- Going out with your FSG’s with just enough $ for a cab home. Mission? Drink free all night. It’s bad, but we do it. Deal with it.

- staying home on a Friday for Saturday night simply to have quiet snuggle time with your pets.

- never closing the bathroom door
- "re-gifting" an unwanted gift to a former FSG, who has committed the cardinal sin of forsaking her FSGs for her new FB.

- air drying after a shower

- checking every nook and cranny when returning home to an empty apartment and before locking up at night. There are crazy people in the world and they’re not welcome in my home.

- baking every recipe on the back of a ‘Bisquik’ box in one day.

- yoga in the living room

- making chocolate chip cookies only so you can eat the dough

….and realizing by the time you finish this list that you really need to get out there and meet some new people. Or is that just me? Redecorating is expensive, alcohol wears out your liver, and cookie dough will make you fat no matter how much yoga you do.

                       

"You had me at espresso."

Coffee. I love it. "America runs on Dunkin". I live on it. Every day. This liquid form of heaven drips into a pot every morning in my cozy apartment at 0500. Thanks to my snooze button being within reach, I don't pour myself a steamy cup until about 0520...0540...oh who the hell am I kidding. It's usually getting dumped into my pink to-go cup as I dash out the door just in time to catch the HOV lane...and by catch, I mean I hop on it at 0605, sometimes 0610 fully prepared the fend off any cop who might pull me over.
Something about being caffeinated to the point of heart murmurs just makes me happy. Really  happy. But it doesn't have the same effect every day. Some days, it just hits me like a trainwreck. Instantly I'm bouncing off the walls, tripping over my sentences, and making plans for a long run after work. Other days- 4 cups later I feel the buzz and then the feeling of nausea from so much liquid takes over and kills the buzz. Then I just want to nap which feels completely wrong after downing that much coffee.

Europe seems to have the right idea on how to get that fantastic buzz and avoid the feeling of wanting to puke. One word: Espresso. This tiny, shot glass looking cup of coffee is just beyond amazing. Although without sugar, it tastes like licking straight coffee grounds; and small sips are the only way to tolerate it without making the face that resembles the one you would make after shooting warm, cheap tequila. (kinda makes you gag just thinking about it, huh?) But with one sugar pack and a barbie-sized-spoon, you're on your way to looking trendy as you sip your way to a caffeine high like no other. It's one where you convince yourself that running a 1/2 marathon will be fun, that you're going to clean out your closet after the marathon, then field day your apartment. By the end of the day, the buzz has worn off and you're simply exhausted from THINKING about all those things to do. But just one more cup- and it's back to marathon planning!
Anyway. I'm currently shopping for an espresso maker so I will absolutely report back when I find my little gem.