Advice to ME at 23

Saw this post idea on another blog today- and thought "WOW!" Of all the things I've learned in life, I think I have learned so much SINCE I was 23. If only I could know then what I know now... Everything before then was just a warm up. Hah!



Thirst Thursday...or any day ending in Y!



Dear 23 Year Old Me,

     Congratulations on graduating college and submitting your Navy OCS package. In 6 years, this will all make sense and you'll be better for what is about to happen to you. Dump the asshole you're dating. He's a jerk, a liar, and cheater. While he will divorce his wife, he will also knock her up. Run. Far. Away. Go out and have as much fun with your friends as you possibly can and don't worry about finding a boyfriend. Men at this age don't want to get married, and the ones who say they do are lying. You shouldn't want to either. You're ONLY 23 and have no idea how great your life is going to be in the next 5 years without a serious boyfriend or husband.

     Before you leave for OCS in September, you're going to get super sick in August and wind up quitting your job.  It's ok because your boss will try to fire you anyway due to some mis-information spread by a gossiping co-worker. Just a tip, don't make friends with ANYONE that works there. They all suck. When you get to OCS, you're going to make 2 really good friends. The rest of your class is a big bunch of assholes and will make your time in Newport a challenge. You will also meet a boy. You're going to fall for him, but he will break your heart. And breakup with you on a text message. It will make for great blog material later! I'll get to that soon.

     On a sad note, this will be your last birthday [your 24th] to celebrate with Grandpa because his time will come while you're living in Georgia next year. It's going to be ok because now you'll have a guardian angel! Norfolk will be great for you. The ship you go to is a good one and you'll make some great friends. You will also meet some assholes. A lot of them. Don't let that discourage you in your career and life in general. Especially when you decide to move to California to be with your boyfriend...that you will marry.

     Your wedding is not going to be in Vegas, or the courthouse- it will be in a Church, and planned by everyone but you. Just roll with it. Your friends and new family will have a great time and at the end of the day you will be married to a pretty awesome guy :) Oh, did I mention you won't be married until 28? (pause for reaction)  THAT'S FREAKING OK! I know right now that seems like a really long way a way, but seriously. When you're 28, you will completely understand how important your single years were for you to learn and just be your own woman and have fun!

     Oh, and you'll adopt 2 new fur children while living in Georgia- and they will even move with you all the way to California. Your Mom is gonna get really mad, but then she will meet them and try to steal them. Several times. Seriously they're gonna be super cute and they might even grow on Ben- your future Mr. :)

     You will seriously take up running, figure skating, and skiing. No, I'm not making this part up. And you'll be good at it! You will own a Mini Cooper when you move to California. Never heard of it? That's ok. You'll make some really good friends in California too- your coworkers will be WAY more fun.

     All in all, just go out and have a great time.  You have lots of greatness ahead of you :)

Love,
28 year old Me

    

Beating a Dead Horse

With a recent outbreak in DUI's within the workplace, management thought it would be a good idea to gather everyone up for some "Straight Talk" about it. I was thinking it might be good idea since a lot of folks don't know the big picture of the repercussions surrounding a DUI. What would have really made sense is to outline the court costs, the job costs, the damages to all involved parties, not to mention the time that the company has to waste telling everyone else not to be a complete dip shit like the people who DO choose to get behind the wheel intoxicated.
HA!

Let's recap what ACTUALLY happened. 5 people got up and talked about losing someone in a DUI accident, or being the one who drank and drove and now their whole life is a mess. All in all, 45 minutes of sob stories. No statistics, no money breakdown, nothing tangible. NOTHING!

I bet you're thinking, "Wow, you are a huge insensitive bitch." Nope. I'm not. I'm a person who absolutely hates having her time wasted. So being forced to sit through 45 minutes of sob stories thanks to some folks who made shitty choices irks the shit out of me.

The definition of crazy is repeating a single action and expecting different results. Every week, we're told not to drink and drive and every week, someone still does. So what good did gathering up everyone for 45 minutes of "this could be you" stories? NONE. It just annoyed people, and wasted time. 

Seriously, though- what is so hard to understand about the message from the law? Take a cab! Walk! Call someone! Argh!!!!!!!

            DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!!!!!

Questions NEVER To Ask In Front of a Wing-Man

While socializing with your co-workers outside the office, there are certain questions you should never ever ask or topics you should never approach. Ever.

1.Are you fertile?
2. This isn't the same guy/girl you brought last time.
3. Are you pregnant?
4. Does your hair always look like that?
5. So, is this your boyfriend/girlfriend?
6. What bar did you meet ____ in?
7. Did you ever get rid of that rash?
8. How's AA going?
9. Why did your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend leave you?
10. Why don't you have a date?
11. Are you gay?