Shiny Object Syndrome

So, a few weeks ago a girlfriend of mine from work invited me to come try adult beginner figure skating lessons. So I paid for the skate rental, and off I went...now as a former roller-blader from the 90's, this seemed like it was gonna be cake. However, there's no brakes on ice skates. At all...Seriously. And oh, by the way it's really freaking cold in there! Ahh! Like a brand new deer, this little bambi hobbled toward the ice and death-gripped the inside of the rink for a few moments steadying myself. Yep. That feeling that your feet are about to shoot out from under you at any moment, sending your behind straight down to the ice is not the most settling feeling I have had. I don't know which is scarier, seeing my fiance bring up the rest of his clothes into our bedroom to put away or the fear of falling while ice skating. By the end of the lesson,  after only one tiny fall I was super hooked. Bad hooked. I popped into the shop to decide which skates would be the best for purchase and then it occurred to me that I had found the best thing ever about ice skating- (brace yourself) LEG WARMERS! Yes, it's 2012 and I purchased a pair of hot pink, glittery leg warmers to wear over my brand new ice skates and very thick tights. "But what could be better than legwarmers?' you ask? Ohhh perhaps the fact that attached to all the girls skate skirts in the store was a matching scrunchie. For real, a scrunchie.

So pretty and white!!!!!

Supportive boyfriend!

I've now taken about 3 more lessons and it gets better every time :) Never saw myself doing this, but as an adult finding something new and exciting to dive into is fabulous!!! Just wanted to share! Have a wonderful week!!!!!!

"...that bwessed awangment."

“Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam.” Yes yes, The Princess Bride is hilarious. Now onto more serious matters.

So handsome!

When I was in college, almost every senior in my sorority was engaged by the time she donned her cap and gown.  The saying was “You come to college to find your husband, you join your sorority to find your bridesmaids.” Gag me, right? Yeah that’s what I thought too.  Wedding after wedding, chicken dance after electric slide, I thought for sure my turn would be coming in a few years.  After all, the college boyfriend and I were “that couple” and everyone was certain we were headed towards matrimonial bliss.  Then reality and fate stepped in and I ninja-bitch-kicked that twerp to the curb. THANK GOODNESS! Fortunately for this princess many years of frogs were ahead of me. Yuck!  Meanwhile, I attended many weddings, watching all my girlfriends marry their Mr. Right and soon after, begin producing perfect little tiny people.  So after about age 25 I sort of just hung up the whole idea that I was going to get to join the club of wedded bliss.  For real.  Call it [and me] bitter, I prefer “realistic”.  I thought if I really met the right person, we’d just do something small and simple. NBD. My family is small… so it’d be easy to plan. Hahahaha! That notion it hilarious to me now. 

Why is that funny, you wonder? Well, if you haven’t met my fiancé then it wouldn’t make sense. He and his family do nothing in moderation.  [Perfect example: We opened presents on Christmas Day…all day. Until dinner. Seriously.] So once we got engaged, and reality set in I realized my idea of something simple and small was lost in the dust. Big time.

Sneaky boyfriend...the ring was in his shirt pocket!!!

To clarify, the act of getting engaged is awesome.  Words don’t do justice to how it felt seeing the man of my dreams on one knee, blinding me with a diamond ring, in the most beautiful place I’d ever been. I was so stunned that instead of crying like most girls do [or say that they do] I just sorta of dropped my jaw in disbelief and kept saying “Oh my God this is really happening. Oh my God. Oh my God….” Sneaky boyfriend! Unfortunately for most couples, the amount of stress and pressure that soon after follows is more like a nightmare [sorry, babe] that doesn’t seem like it’ll end until after the last “Thank You” note is mailed off. 

So let’s just put this out there…the ugly truth, if you will. Being engaged is not the dream that every girl envisions. Seriously, there should be a manual issued to every gal over 21 breaking down all the unfortunate truths of being an adult not living the life we see on “Keeping up with the Kardashians”. [hmm… maybe this manual idea will become another solid post that my buddy Rob will enjoy.]  Weddings cost money, no matter how big or small you want it and as every bride discovers- http://www.theknot.com/ is bursting with vendors ready to rape you for every penny you’re willing to spend, and millions of ideas that most of us non-billionaires can’t afford.  [The better websites for my fabulous gals on a budget? http://www.pinterest.com/ and http://www.etsy.com/ .] 

In addition to feeling like a terrible Bride because you can’t afford a bag of personalized M&M’s or with your initials and date, everyone (family and/or wedding party) has an opinion.  Where to have it. Who to invite. What to wear. What to eat. Which church…the list goes on. RAWR! Help is welcome.  Negativity is not. It makes me a cranky-pants-Bride and then my MOH has to regulate!

Lucky for B and I, we’re footing the bill so what we say goes. Period. <insert ‘plan laugh’ >

The thing that has actually disappoints me most is not that I don’t have $50,000 to spare or that my family has been less than enthusiastic about my wedding, it’s actually the “marriage advice” that I get from RUDE people.  Most of the time, I appreciate a little wisdom from the other officers in my Wardroom or people that I know. But we have a lot of jackasses around…and these crusty old farts really should just keep it moving. Instead of the usual sweet stuff you hear like “Never go to bed angry”, “Always kiss me goodnight”, these jerk faces say things like:

“Hope you got a pre-nup!”

“So you’re really getting married, huh?”

“Wait, you’re getting married to another service member? And you’re both active duty? HA! Good luck!”

“Just wait until you have kids…then your life is over.”

“So, still getting married?”

“Don’t get fat, cut your hair, or stop putting out.”

“Why are you getting married? You’re life is over- your husband isn’t going to let you go out and do anything.”

“Hm. Guess you weren’t planning on staying in the Navy. Wait, you are? Why? Get out and just stay home and have children.”

Seriously.

For the record, I am not interested in the fact that you’ve gone years in your marriage with no sex and you weren’t even deployed. Or that you and your spouse had a ton of kids way too early in your marriage and lost the romance that brought ya’ll together. Or that your wife just won’t put out; and that your kids are brats.  Hell, if I was your wife I wouldn’t either since you have a nasty attitude like that. Maybe it’s time to take a look in the mirror there, pops. It takes two, ya know?! Geez, if you’re that unhappy do what every other middle aged fat ass man having a midlife crisis in America does. Divorce your wife, buy a sports car, get a dumb haircut, a fake tan, and a 22 year old bimbo girlfriend.

I smile and laugh and tell them they’re being silly, but they just look at me like I’m a moron and have no idea what I’m getting myself into. It’s in those moments I wish I’d been just as rude back to them.  I’m about one more negative comment away from invoking my mother’s statement of “If you’ve nothing kind to say to me keep it to yourself.”

…NOT WELCOME HERE!

I don’t know what I’m getting myself into. How could I? I’ve never been married before and honestly no one really knows what the hell they’re doing when they say “I do”… but the few important things I do know is that I love him, we are committed each other and to our life together, and the rest is just details that will work themselves out one way or the other. And I’m always right J HA!

xoxo

Life happening...kinda.

While I do get sad reading the amazing lives of the women whose blogs I follow, I try to remember that God has a plan for me too and I need to trust it even if it's clear as mud. In the mean time, I do have an awesome fiance, kitties, and friends to make each day worthwhile!!!! Life is good!

YEP! This is happening!

LOVE HIM!

Our running shoes are chillin together.

Yes, it was awesome.

Port Hueneme Beach

Finally getting some QT!

Engagement session...no one makes me laugh like he does.

Kisses :) xoxo

I. Love. These. Paws.

...and the rest of him!

How can anyone resist this little girl?!

My partners in crime.... we're a classy bunch!

Aren't they pretty?!

My Going Away party before I shipped off to OCS in 2008

Admirals Hockey!

The horns are a good look for us :)

It's Not Me, It's You. Really.

Oh, please. I'm fabulous. It's definitely you!

How many times have we heard "It's not you, it's me" as we stand there crying and watching what we thought was "the one" walk away? In light of recent breakups in the celebrity world and among friends, I think it's time we compile a list of the common breakup lines and discuss the truth behind them.. No no, this is not to upset anyone. This is to poke holes in the lame ass excuses that we've all been given or given to former partners to ease the sting of ending a relationship. While honesty is the best policy, it's also the least used policy because it's as uncomfortable as hooker in church.

Without further a due, here we go...

Breakup Line #1. "I think we should see other people"

    Ahhh, the classic line. Now when you say "think", what you really mean is that you've already met someone and [likely] shagged them. That is the only thing that would explain your emotional distance and lack of sexual interest as of late. Furthermore, why in the world do you think that sleeping with a stranger is going to erase the memory of your unfaithful behavior? I know you're stupid because you cheated on me but now I think you're just plain crazy.


Breakup Line #2. "It's not you, it's me"

    I believe you. Obviously you're mental because I am fabulous and you will never do better than me.

Breakup Line #3. "I don't want to be in a relationship right now"

     No no. No no. Let's be straight about this. You don't want to be in A relationship, you want to be in MANY relationships without any commitment or monogamy. That way sleeping with whomever whenever isn't technically cheating.  And seriously? Just replace "...right now" with "...with you"  because we all know that's what you really mean. You just don't want to say it right this minute because being alone scares you and you only care about me juuuust enough to not want to see me cry. Furthermore, also want a 'Plan B' (as in back-up) on the off...likely chance that you don't find someone better [as I'm sure you think you will]. Instead, you just want to have the opportunity to come crawling back and romance me with the line of "Baby, I don't know what I was thinking. I can't live without you." Nice try. What you really wanted to do was go do whatever you want without it being considered cheating. Grow up. Sticking your appendages in everything in town isn't going to help you find yourself. It will, however, help you find penicillin.  Just be honest.


Breakup Line #4. "I need to focus on my career right now"

I'm ready to take your.....memo

     No, you don't. You need to focus on the hot new employee at your job and just don't want to be dragging "baggage" (i.e. your current flame) to work functions. Tell ya what, if the grass is really greener then I'll do a naked lap of downtown at noon on the first snow-day of the year in 5" stilettos and my best diamonds.


Breakup Line #5. "I just don't see you in my future"

     You don't want me in your future cause if you did, you wouldn't say a dumb thing like that line I just heard. You have no idea what your future holds but that's ok. I know mine will be filled with love from someone who cares and wants to be there- good times and bad. Peace!!!!

Breakup Line #6. "I met someone else"

     Probably true, and he/she also probably doesn't know that you're currently in a relationship. Or that you're even alive for that matter. No worries, give me his/her address. I'd be happy to send your next load of dirty laundry over there for him/her to take care of. Nothing says "lets date!" like skid marks.

Breakup Line #7. "....silence..."

    The GRA was hungry for another coward. Whew! Trust me, though...it was for the best.


Breakup Line #8. "You just want this more than I do."

     You're absolutely right. I want to be with you. You don't want to be with me. At all. This is close to being honest, but not quite.

Pictures. 1000 Words. Cliche. True.

Painted or drawn, an image sends endless messages as it hangs on a wall, sits in a frame, or glows on a web page or on my fantabulous iPhone. The favorite message that an image can send is one that reminds you of how much you've grown and changed for the better since the photo was taken. As I stumbled across a photo taken 3 and a half years ago I just sat in silence and stared. Even though it was just a picture of me, I just sat...and stared. The picture was me in a casino. It was the first time I'd had a weekend trip with a boyfriend. This boyfriend wound up having a wife. Being young, stupid and naive I believed him and fell for all the lies. Clearly, since it's been 4 years and I'm now 26 and living on my own- the relationship didn't quite work out the way we'd once hoped. It was so weird looking at me smiling back at the camera, smiling at the man behind it- believing I'd found the one, happy with a few cocktails in me, happy that I was done with school and ready to take the next step in my life...or so I thought. What made me happier was sitting on my bed in my apartment and just looking at the picture instead of living the life I would have had if I hadn't woken up and left the relationship.

     It's just so crazy that it's been 4 years since I thought I had it all figured out. 4 years since I made a plan. What the hell did I know at 22? I'll be 27 this year. But I think we all feel this way at one point. Maybe more than one point? After lots of caffeine which I love (See: 'You had me at espresso') I think theres a point in a few of my days throughout the week where I'm ready to take on the world after I run a marathon. But overall, at the end of the day as I lay my head down and review my day- I think of all the things I could have done, that I need to do tomorrow, and where I see things in my life taking me. When I was overseas, I'd wind almost each day down scrolling through photos of home before I closed my eyes. Those photos kept me going. There weren't any captions- just faces looking back at me. Some furry (kitties and doggy...sometimes Dad) and the rest just smiling and happy. 6000 miles away, I knew there were people that love me and missed me. And I knew that no matter how happy I'd been at one point in my life 4 years ago- I'm happier now. Guaranteed.