Painted or drawn, an image sends endless messages as it hangs on a wall, sits in a frame, or glows on a web page or on my fantabulous iPhone. The favorite message that an image can send is one that reminds you of how much you've grown and changed for the better since the photo was taken. As I stumbled across a photo taken 3 and a half years ago I just sat in silence and stared. Even though it was just a picture of me, I just sat...and stared. The picture was me in a casino. It was the first time I'd had a weekend trip with a boyfriend. This boyfriend wound up having a wife. Being young, stupid and naive I believed him and fell for all the lies. Clearly, since it's been 4 years and I'm now 26 and living on my own- the relationship didn't quite work out the way we'd once hoped. It was so weird looking at me smiling back at the camera, smiling at the man behind it- believing I'd found the one, happy with a few cocktails in me, happy that I was done with school and ready to take the next step in my life...or so I thought. What made me happier was sitting on my bed in my apartment and just looking at the picture instead of living the life I would have had if I hadn't woken up and left the relationship.
It's just so crazy that it's been 4 years since I thought I had it all figured out. 4 years since I made a plan. What the hell did I know at 22? I'll be 27 this year. But I think we all feel this way at one point. Maybe more than one point? After lots of caffeine which I love (See: 'You had me at espresso') I think theres a point in a few of my days throughout the week where I'm ready to take on the world after I run a marathon. But overall, at the end of the day as I lay my head down and review my day- I think of all the things I could have done, that I need to do tomorrow, and where I see things in my life taking me. When I was overseas, I'd wind almost each day down scrolling through photos of home before I closed my eyes. Those photos kept me going. There weren't any captions- just faces looking back at me. Some furry (kitties and doggy...sometimes Dad) and the rest just smiling and happy. 6000 miles away, I knew there were people that love me and missed me. And I knew that no matter how happy I'd been at one point in my life 4 years ago- I'm happier now. Guaranteed.
No comments:
Post a Comment