As stated in a previous post, I think it’s high time to put the cards on the table. After all the cheesy high school and college graduation speeches telling us to reach for the stars, and don’t take no for an answer and that we can do anything we want- I’ve heard just about enough. After the age of approximately 23, there are truths of the world that every adult should know and accept. It’s those little unwritten rules that not everyone was taught, but with the knowledge of these facts- you really will get far in life. Without order or reason, read on:
1. Your mother was right. Enough said.
2. People generally don’t have manners. You should- it will set you apart from the idiots and make you a kickass person to hang out with.
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| What did you have for lunch last week? |
3. Fresh breath never goes out of style. Brush your teeth.
4. If a guy doesn’t call you for a week after the first date, move on. He’s not interested and you shouldn’t be either. And guys, if she blows you off after the first date, move on. Technology is way too advanced these days to make dumb excuses for not calling/emailing/facebooking/texting/tweeting/blogging/heytell-ing/face-time/etc.
5. Never make anyone a priority in your life when you are only an option to them.
6. Furthermore, don’t lie. It’s tacky.
7. Don’t use the same resume for every job interview. Tailor it for each job you interview for. That simple attention to detail really does matter. If someone is interested in hiring you to be an Art Director, I don’t care that you can type 98 words per minute and excel at coffee making. That will only make someone hire you as my Art Director’s secretary.
8. Don’t act like the workplace martyr. Everyone has a cross to bear and you’re not the only one struggling.
9. Have a sense of humor.
10. If you can’t tell jokes well, don’t tell them at all.
11. If you are the only one laughing, stop. It’s probably not funny.
12. Everyone enjoys their personal space. Everyone. PLEASEDONTSTANDTHISCLOSETOME just to have a simple conversation over morning coffee.
13. Guys, open doors for ladies. Ladies, never go out with a man who cannot accomplish this simple expression of respect.
14. No means no.
15. Punctuality and professionalism is imperative, no matter the job. Your time is valuable. So is everyone else’s.
16. Always trust your gut. It’s God’s way of kicking you in the teeth and trying to protect or help you out.
17. When it rains it pours.
18. Never live somewhere without renters or homeowners insurance.
19. If you can’t afford a taxi, you can’t afford to drink.
20. Liquid dish soap does not go in a dish washer.
21. After 25, your car insurance isn’t guaranteed to be reduced in price.
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| Dude... I think I have a meeting in 10 minutes. |
22. Staying out all night on a work night is never a good idea.
23. If you can read, you can cook.
24. Forgive and forget, but don’t be a fool.
25. Life is too short to be in a relationship or work a job that makes you miserable.
26. Treat everyone with respect even if you think they don’t deserve it.
27. Patience is a virtue. So is humility.
28. Always have a backup plan, no matter what you’re doing.
29. Life isn’t fair. Get a helmet.
30. Don’t put luxuries on credit.
31. Have a savings account and add to it monthly.
33. Don’t wait until you’ve had a heart attack to begin taking care of your health. Start now no matter your age.
34. Blinkers are not decoration on a car, they serve a purpose. Use them.
35. Speeding is pointless and won’t get you where you’re going any faster.
36. Anything in life that is worth having is does not come easy.
37. Trust is earned, not deserved.
38. No one in this world owes you anything.
39. The past is the past. Leave it there and move forward.
40. Always be yourself.
41. Surround yourself with positive people.
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| Body shots anyone? |
42. Dress age and setting appropriate. Ladies, your butt cheeks should never be showing in public. Even on the beach. Gents, tank tops are for the gym, nothing else.
43. Jersey Shore is not real life.
44. Twightlight is stupid.
45. You teach others how to treat you.
46. Never ever mouth off to someone who is serving you a meal. It may be your last.
47. Money does not buy happiness, love, or class.
48. You can learn something from everyone you meet, good or bad.
49. Living outside your means does not make you look cool. You look stupid…and you’re ruining your credit.
50. Pray every day.
51. Taking someone out for a date does not entitle you to sex.
52. Not everyone you meet will like you, nor will you like everyone you meet.
53. Everyone farts and everyone poops. Get over it.
54. Lava Lamps should be illegal
55. Never date someone who only has one pillow on their bed.
56. You will have a lot of jobs and a lot of shitty bosses.
57. You will never be paid ‘enough’.
58. If you need help, ask for it. No one can read minds.
59. Pay your bills on time.
60. Your salary or material belongings do not make up your personal worth.
61. Take care of the car you have- change the oil, rotate the tires, and keep it clean.
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| Clear is the new pale. |
62. Read at least one book a year. That way when someone asks, ‘What was the last book you read?’ your [genuine] answer isn’t “Cat in the Hat”.
63. Pale is not the new tan, it’s the perfect way to burn every time you even think about the sun- which will eventually lead to skin cancer. Cavemen did not hide in their caves all day to avoid wrinkles. You shouldn’t either. Go outside.
64. Tanning will not make you look skinner. It will just point out that you’re missing an apple in your mouth and should be tied to a stick, and roasted over a fire.
65. Clean out your closet every 6 months and donate to the nearest church. There is always someone in need of less than you have.
66. Don’t cry at work. If you must, quietly and discreetly go to the bathroom and get your shit together.
67. Don’t be a name-dropper or a one-upper. It’s annoying and no one is impressed.
68. No one likes a sloppy drunk. If you can’t handle yourself when you drink, then don’t drink.
69. When you are wrong, admit it. Apologize. Move on.
70. Ladies: getting pregnant will not make a man stay in a relationship.
71. Live your life for you; nobody else.
72. If someone says they want to kill themselves, they are really asking for help. Get involved.
73. Coffee is delicious.
74. No matter what healthy eating habits you have, never deny yourself a good dessert once in a while. Chocolate is a food group!
75. Things will never work out exactly the way you want them to- instead they will work out exactly the way they are meant to. Remember, this is God’s plan.
76. You do not need alcohol to have a good time, although it can and usually does make things interesting.
77. No one likes a smelly kid. Shower regularly.
78. If you get a chance to, thank a service member for their sacrifice. It means more than you can imagine…just to feel appreciated.
79. Go to Church more than twice a year.
80. You can’t control where you came from. You can control where you go and who you will become.
81. Bad news doesn’t get better with time.
82. Ladies and Gents: No one will want to buy the ice cream truck if you’re handing out all the popsicles for free. Think about it.
83. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you every day.
84. You don’t have to rinse chicken before you season and cook it. The process of cooking will kill off all the bacteria.
85. Brussell sprouts are disgusting no matter how they’re prepared.
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| But I've always been a -2. Ugh!!! |
86. When you finally are living on your own, having dessert for breakfast is fun until your clothes don’t fit. Now you have two choices at hand- buy new clothes or eat better. That’s for you to decide.
87. Don’t believe anyone who says they do not believe in God. They are only fooling themselves.
88. Sometimes a good cry in the privacy of your home or car can really clarify what’s going on in your life and what you need to do from there. Remember: Don’t cry at work.
89. Vote at every chance you get.
90. Despite what Grandma said, your face will not freeze in an ugly expression if you hold one for more than 5 minutes. You will look ridiculous though.
91. Low rise pants are for teenagers. Not adults who want to be taken seriously.
92. 99% of chain emails are invented by teenage girls discovering their feelings and the meaning of their short little life thus far; and trying to share the torture with everyone else by convincing you that if you don’t forward that email to 100 friends, then you’re going to have bad luck for your whole life, your grass will die, and no one will ever love you.
93. Fortune tellers are full of it.
94. Payday loans are bad. So are title loans. You won’t get your car back with Title Max.
95. Reality TV simply shows how unimaginative some writers can be. The sad part is that they make more than you and I. Yet unemployment rates are going up.
96. Unemployment could go down if many folks would understand that they have to start somewhere.
97. If something seems too good to be true, it is. Move along.
98. You will not know what really good sex is until you’re past the age of 25.
99. Don’t fight with a spouse or a friend in public. It’s inconsiderate to those around you.
100. Talking on your cell phone while checking out at a store is unbelievably rude. There are not many conversations so important that you can’t get off the phone for the 5 minutes.
101. Telemarketers are annoying, but at least they’re working…even if it’s in India. Be polite the first time they call. If you tell them not to call again and they still call back, let ‘em have it.
102. Don’t give homeless person money. Offer to buy them a meal. If they are honest and want beer money, donate if you wish. At least they were honest.
103. Virginia drivers are the worst drivers on the planet.
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| One of a kind, for sure!! |
104. If you live in an apartment or townhome with thin walls, think of those around you. Do you really think owning a drum-set or yappy dog is the best choice?
105. Not all babies are cute. Don’t tell their mothers that.
106. Some people shouldn’t reproduce.
107. Work and school should be cancelled on rainy days.
108. Tomato soup and grilled cheese is the best lunch ever.
109. Naptime should continue throughout life.
110. Red wine is good for your heart in more ways than one.
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| Scarecrow is not the new look... |
111. Girls: if he only calls you after 10pm, it's a booty call. Guys: you ain't fooling anyone.
112. A drop of olive oil into boiling pasta will keep it from getting sticky after you drain it.
113. Ladies, do your research when it comes to a hair salon. If you don't, you'll be sorry. When you find a good stylist, stay faithful, be patient, and tip well :)
72. If someone says they want to kill themselves, they are really asking for help. Get involved.
To clarify, the act of getting engaged is awesome. Words don’t do justice to how it felt seeing the man of my dreams on one knee, blinding me with a diamond ring, in the most beautiful place I’d ever been. I was so stunned that instead of crying like most girls do [or say that they do] I just sorta of dropped my jaw in disbelief and kept saying “Oh my God this is really happening. Oh my God. Oh my God….” Sneaky boyfriend! Unfortunately for most couples, the amount of stress and pressure that soon after follows is more like a nightmare [sorry, babe] that doesn’t seem like it’ll end until after the last “Thank You” note is mailed off. 
In addition to feeling like a terrible Bride because you can’t afford a bag of personalized M&M’s or with your initials and date, everyone (family and/or wedding party) has an opinion. Where to have it. Who to invite. What to wear. What to eat. Which church…the list goes on. RAWR! Help is welcome. Negativity is not. It makes me a cranky-pants-Bride and then my MOH has to regulate!
“Hope you got a pre-nup!” 
A CANDLE WRAP
Step 1. Cut your burlap to fit the candle holder. To evenly and effectively cut burlap, pinch one of the threads and the edge and pull. It will cause the fabric to ruffle, however just keep pulling the thread away as you straighten the fabric and soon you will have a straight line to cut along.
