The Fun Meter

 Have you ever heard the expression: “My fun meter is pegged”. I bet you’re wondering how to judge where you’re at with fun meter pegging? This really can apply to any situation: work, a birthday party, a work function, a blind date, a first date, family time [especially during holidays], business trips, and doctor’s appointments. The only situation in life where you are absolutely not authorized to apply the Fun Meter Rating is at a funeral. It’s just sick, twisted, and rude. I mean, really! Someone is actually dead in this situation.  So it’s just inhuman to sit there, knowing that in your head, your fun meter is at “borderline homicidal”. Oh, the shame!

There are 6 stages to a Fun Meter. The first three are safe and even manageable. While the yellow zone can get slightly scary, caffeine and booze can push you back into the green. Sex can even put you all the way back into the gray, especially with a post-coital-nap! But once you’re in to the red- things can get ugly. Again, booze or sex can fix things but it’s going to take a lot more of it. Once you’re into the last two stages, it’s time to regroup…and take a nap. Seriously.

Where I work, we say “My fun meter is pegged” quite often. Especially considering that over the past year and two months, 85% of our time working has required us to be away from our homes and families. After all that anyone would likely be ready for copious amounts of alcohol without which could lead to extreme anger, resulting in ass-kickings being passed out like pancakes to fat kids at IHOP on a Sunday morning. There are times where it’s possible to recover from the pegging of a fun meter and still enjoy the day. To survive these last few weeks away and stay [barely in the yellow], I simply armed myself with a big coffee cup for my early mornings, lots of Motrin, rubber bands, a Nerf gun complete with foam ammunition, peppermints [which hurt like hell when thrown at a high speed], and a mildly powerful squirt-gun. This way my work gets done, people stay away from me when I want them to, and no one is [seriously] hurt.