Follow Me!

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Moo

During my time overseas, the only good thing to eat on a regular basis was cake. This lead to creating what I like to call "The Fatty List". I really don't need to explain this...at least I hope not.

1.1. …You love cake

2.2 …You have a whole plate of spaghetti and a huge piece of cake and you get called out on the blow pop in your pocket.

3.3. …You’re licking the icing off the plate from your SECOND piece of cake after lunch.

4.4. …You eat a light lunch JUST TO SAVE room for dessert.

5.5. …Fatties brag about the candy they scarfed down for breakfast..

6.6. …Fatties utilize the pockets in their shirts to hold ice cream cups.

7.7. …Fatties greet other fatties with a cheerful “Moo”…usually because they’re on a sugar buzz.

8.8. …You bend the bar for the swing on the playground.

9.9. …you can be heard coming to meet another fatty before she sees you.

10.10. …you have a whole drawer in your desk solely devoted to snacks.

11.11. …you bring a fellow fatty a delicious Starbucks beverage only to realize they’ve already gotten themselves one. Silly you- fatties think alike!

12.12. …You steal cake from a cook walking through the pway with an uncovered Halloween cake. Silly CS3 Furst- didn’t he know he was in Fattyville? Uncovered yummy treats WILL be requisitioned!

13.13. …You almost choke on an MnM that goes down your throat as you dump an entire snack-sized bag of MnM’s in your mouth.

14.14. …you’re busted for inhaling too many MnM’s not because of your chocolate breath, but because your tongue and lips have turned a different color.

15.15. …you know that life is infinitely better with a sugar buzz.

16.16. …the circles at the top of this slide make you want MnM’s.

17.17. …you eat TWO pieces of your own birthday cake because it’s just that good!

18.18. ….mid chicken nugget you see a cookie that you have been craving and suddenly the nugget is no longer needed….or remembered.

19.19. ...you sit down in your chair first thing in the morning only to find the torn off corner of an MnM bag from the day before…or was it two days before?

20.20. …when you use the reference “throwing in the spoon” instead of “throwing in the towel” at Marble Slab when the HUGE ice cream you ordered completely kicks your ass. 

21. …the waitress at the Japanese restaurant gives you a judgmental look when you give her your order then ask to keep the menu in case you want one more order of sushi.

22. …you get so excited at the sight of a Krispy Kreme that you almost crawl out of the window of the cab at the next stoplight.

23. …you invent the “little fat girl dance” and perform it as you excitedly bounce through the door of the Marble Slab.

24. …you have morning moo-hair, also known as a cowlick.

25. …you’re scarfing down a delicious cookie from the Wardroom as ‘breakfast’ and starting to feel guilty about the less-than-healthy choice, when you spot a sailor across the mess decks standing near the ice cream machines while scarfing down a 3 Musketeers bar with the same excited-yet-feeling-slightly-guilty look on his face that you have. Who cares that it’s 0840? We all know that life is better with a sugar buzz J

26. …you celebrate great news with fellow fatties by announcing “Celebratory MnM’s for ALL!!!” as you whip out your huge variety bag of snack-sized MnM bags!!!!

27. …you select the Oreos closest to the bottom of the vending machine because it’s less likely that they’ll break once they fall down for you to enjoy.

28. …you find a way to include “moo” into your daily lingo.

29. …making someone else’s birthday cake is going to benefit yourself more than the birthday boy.

30. …you cause ‘dessert envy’ among fellow shipmates due to the enormous brownie you scored from the Galley that you’ve now added to the ‘cookies and cream’ ice cream that was put out at dinner.

31. …you invite yourself to someone else’s reenlistment and swear to know them just to get some of their yummy cake!

32. …you can now be deemed a “reenlistment crasher” J

33. …stealing chocolate from people is no longer a game; it’s a mission.

34. …you realize that Ney Inspectors deserve cake, which means the crew will get cake, which means YOU will get cake. YAY! On the mess decks you find an enormous cake and excitedly moo to a fellow fatty about this cake- first by email, then by phone from the mess decks. Then, after snapping some photos of this delicious looking cake you realize that you’re grazing about the cake is drawing attention. So you quickly dart back into your office to find out the exact time of the cake cutting so you can be ready and moo-ing J

35. …you have more pictures of cakes on your phone than you do of people, let alone your own husband. HA!

36. …the word “MOO” suddenly replaces any adjectives related to fooooood.

37. …you can “name that chocolate” by description of the package.

38. …you unknowingly write “moo” on notes to other people, and a fellow fatty busts you! Ha!

39. …the highlight of your day is sending and receiving pictures of fat people…fatter than you!

40. …you are thirsty from the Monster Express you downed during the snoozer of a RAS brief. So you brave the “gorilla’s ass smell” radiating from the ice cream room and head in there in search of bottled water. As you fling open the refer door, eyes stinging, there you see it. Not the delicious chilled water you were looking for. No no, you found that. You see the boxes of candy bars and tubs of ice cream. Before you die from the smell, you quickly grab a Kit Kat with your water and dart out of the room. After all, you deserve a treat for braving that smell! 41. …LCDR’s drop off entire boxes of s’more flavored poptarts in your office and then just leave. No explanation- just generous donation J

42. …“It tastes like cake?? I like cake”

43. …Fatties trip on knee knockers on the way to PT…fail!

44. …Fatties have a pastry in line while dishing up their dinner…

45. …True Fatties wish they hadn’t eaten that snickers for breakfast and instead saved it for dessert…oh well, I’ll go get another one!

46. …Fatties have to police themselves to eat all their food when they know all they really want is that chocolate cake at the end….MMMM  CAAAKE!

47. ..Fatties hit up starbucks within an hour of a workout…and then salivate at the kit kat bar CS1 McDavis is eating.

48. …Fatties get called out at zone inspection

49. …Fatties would rather nap then workout.

50. …Fatties use candy stores as landmarks to navigate shopping malls.

51. …Old fatties reminisce about eating play-doh

52. …Fatties think that play-doh looks like cake frosting…mmmm…caaaakke!

53. …My chocolate lip gloss and peppermint gum tastes like my favorite Girl Scout cookie…without the fat. Fatties take precaution.

54. …Fatties have ESP, wanting to bring each other Starbucks drinks, but then realize that the other Fattie has already acquired a delicious fattening cup of liquid heaven.

55. …Fat Kids are startled by the thought of working out while indulging in ice cream.

56. …This fatty can’t wait to see my 1 year anniversary to eat the rest of my wedding cake….MMM CAKE!

57. …The Fattest Fatties know that with a simple switch of 2 letters “good afternoon” becomes “Good ‘Fat’ernoon”!

58. …Sweet tooth Fatties don’t care if the Reese’s Cup is melted. All they really want is the peanut butter.

59. …Fatties must QA all desserts for the Wardroom…

60. …Sometimes Fatties test out their lazy fatty skills and send a “Go-fer” to the wardroom to get them ice cream during meal hours. Only to find that another fellow fatty was eating dinner….what a surprise.

 

61. …Fatties find Reeses Cup wrappers stuck to their PT towels as they pull one out on their way to PT. =D

62. …Normal people flaunt their shiny new cars and diamond rings…Fatties flaunt a big bag of the latest Pretzel M&M’s

63. …Fatties watch college football, cheer loudly, and have a celebratory Kit Kat when their team wins- because the wrapper is a team color, and because they want chocolate

64. …Unfortunately Sweet tooth fatties will do anything for a sugar fix; even mix up some Blue Raspberry Hydroxycut in a bottle. I know it TOTALLY goes against what we believe in; but I needed some sugar.

65. …Fatties think of other fatties instantly when they see the Re-Enlistment cake for the month.

66. …“I don’t see anyone” – “Don’t worry, you will hear her before you see her” LMAO!! Fatty!!!!

67. …you send Moo messages via man toy.

68. …you say things like, “blueberry muffins…Better than blueberry pancakes”

69. …you lick the top of a cake just because someone else wanted it.

70. …you skip over to the dessert table with a fork in hand already.

71. …you finish half your cake before you even dish up your dinner J

72. …you give a shout out to a CS for baking delicious cakes BEFORE you compliment her shoes, while you’re hosting TRUMAN Idol.

73. …another fatty catches you chewing gum in formation while you’re waiting to get your ESWS pin because the pinning ceremony occurred when you should have been feeding, however, you must ignore those pangs of hunger and focus on the task at hand.

74. …your Boat Husband brings you a stuffed cow because he knows how much you like them and they remind you of your fellow Moo friends.

75. …you are looking at pictures of your friend’s wedding from last year and realize there’s more pictures of the food and the name of the restaurant than of the bride and groom.

76. …your lunch partners are based solely on who is going the soonest.

77. …you happily devour two desserts at Thanksgiving dinner without batting an eyelash.

78. …you fight about who will be baking the dessert at your family’s “Little Christmas” dinner. Of course YOU will make the dessert!!! You’re the resident expert on the perfect moistness of a cake, and the creaminess of frosting. Silly Grandma and her thoughts that she would make dessert!

79. …you keep asking a fellow Fatty when her re-enlistment is. It’s been too long since you’ve had a delicious piece of Re-Enlistment cake and that problem MUST be solved ASAP!!!!!

80. …You are 2 months away from your own promotion and are already planning out the menu for your little reception.

81. …You put the Fit Boss in charge of getting you a piece of cake because you’re far too busy to stand in line. As you come back into the office, he is there inhaling his cake and there’s none for you. So you just walk over, and start eating the icing he’s ignoring. Finally he gives up and hands you the last bite of the cake and the rest of the icing. Fit Boss 0 – Fatty 1 J

82. …you check the Green Sheet, not for the day’s schedule, but for the exact time of cake cutting. Then you email your fellow Fatties and click “High Importance” on the email before sending it. Of course it’s important. Cake is a priority. Always.

83. …your breakfast consists of noodles in a cup and then gets interrupted by a delicious looking doughnut. Lunch is a bag of chips 3 chocolate chip cookies and dinner is in an hour…hmmm I wonder what is for dinner.

 

Dating Website 101

***506 matches since Oct 2010. 0 dates. C'mon EH!!! I did better without you! Can I have my $$ back now?***

Being new to the online match-making scene- I formulated a little list of some things that crossed my mind as I received [and closed] matches...enjoy! I am not even on EHarmony to meet people anymore. I gave up on that after the one person that I actually talked on the phone to invited me to get on Skype...and then asked me to take off my clothes. DONE! This shit is just the most expensive entertainment ever. I'm almost going to be sad when my membership expires in April. If only I could make enough from my "Ad Sense" here on my blog to pay back my membership fee TO Eharmony. Then I'd have gotten tons of blog material for free but for now, this is expensive so read read read!!!!!!!

• POST PICTURES! No picture, no communication.
• Don’t post pictures of you and another girl snuggled up unless she is 100% cropped out. I don’t care how hot YOU look, If I can still see ½ her face, NEXT!!!
• Actually, don’t put ANY pictures of you and a female together unless you’re related…by blood. The last thing I really want to see is you cozied up to some banging chick and have to ASSUME she’s a relative. I’m looking to date you- not you and 5 chicks.
• Don’t list your most influential person in your life as Bill Gates because he “provided you with your iPod”. If you had any brain cells, you’d know that Steve Jobs is the founder of Apple, who oh-by-the-way makes the iPod and other fantastic Apple products. And Bill Gates is just an ugly nerd with lots of money and no women.
• If you are pale, don’t take a photo of yourself with the camera approximately 5” away from your face with the flash on. It reminds me of the movie Powder. Pale is not the new sexy. I don’t need to see your pores.
• If you are tired, don’t take a picture of it and put it on a dating website. The point of posting photos of you is to ATTRACT a mate, not scare potentials OFF.
• Under “Occupation”   be specific. If you put “Supervisor”, I’m going to think you’re a fucking liar. It’s too easy and vague and if you’re going to start things off being vague, I’m not interested in anything more than waiting for the page to load so I can say “Close Match”. The night manager of a Seven Eleven could put that down as well as the manager of GameStop. Seriously. 
• Two words: SPELL CHECK
• If you’re in the military, be specific about your rank.
• Don’t tell people that your friends would describe you as “outgoing” and then list that you love to stay in and play video games on most evenings. Really? I wasn’t exactly born yesterday, sparky.
• If you list yourself as physically fit and I see a picture of you that slightly resembles what most fitness magazines would describe as a “before” shot…I’m closing the match. Clearly you’re a liar and completely diluted and no amount of free drinks is worth the time I’d never get back if I actually agreed to meet you in person.
• If you’re in the military and are not open to having a mil-to-mil relationship, you might want to mention that somewhere on your profile.
• Drunk pictures of yourself are for Facebook where people already know you- not for a dating website.

• 

  The future father of my children...NOT!

  
  

• If you have a child, say so.
• If you have baby-mama-drama, deactivate your profile, unfuck your situation, and then put yourself back out there. NO ONE is interested in your messy drama.
• If you’re allergic to pets, say so. Makes things a whole lot easier when I’m explaining why you may have died to the coroner…while my cats lovingly rub against my leg as we stare at your cold dead body.
• As for your profile picture. Having the EXACT SAME PICTURE- just with 1 in color and 1 in black and white doesn’t count as variety. It also makes me seriously question your choice to list yourself as “adventurous”. Seriously?
• Ok, I know I said to be specific about your job listing. But “high school math teacher”? Really? The only hot ones I remember were the math teachers who also coached football. Soooo unless you have that listed too and legit pictures to prove it, I’m gonna have to go ahead and close the match. You plus me does NOT equal love. Sorry, calculover.
• Posting a picture of you holding your sister’s brand new baby, and writing a caption that reads “Me, sisters, and niece. I was prob a little bit buzzed…squinty eyes and half smile. Haha” what the hell were you thinking? What sane woman would read that and go, “oh my god. That’s the future father of my children! We MUST skip to ehamony mail RIGHTNOW!” 
• Epic list of things a guy named “Karl”, age 29 couldn’t live without: (MnM’s go for the first person to tell me which other rules he broke with this one)
• The things I can't live without are:
•             * My toys
•               * my wealth of usless knowledge
•             * Freedom
•             * freinds
•             * family
• When you list your “occupation” as students/part time pizza delivery, then your little sister is your hero, and you’re 25? Wait…what? Shit. I got nothing.
• So your main [and might I point out: ONLY] picture is of you, wearing suspenders, a metallic tie and you have a unibrow… what the fuck? What are you trying to tell me- that you’re color blind or that you don’t own a pair of tweezers. Either way, NEEEXXTT!!!!
• Ok…let me get this right. You’re cute, you’re a submarine officer, and then I find a picture of you from a trip to San Fransisco. Really? Are YOU sure you know what you’re looking for?
• You’ve listed “Weights/Gym” and “Peanut M&Ms” as things you can’t live without, your occupation is a “High School PE coach”…and yet you don’t have a photo posted? Makes me think those Peanut M&Ms might need to go to the top of your list and also that they might be the REASON you don’t have a pic listed. Put down the bag, fatty, and get back to the weights!
• 
• When you list the center of your life as your child…why the hell are you on EHarmony? How the hell is a gal supposed to compete with that? First of all, now I know I won’t have that amazing experience of giving you your first child. And now the bitch who did’s brat is the center of your life. Oh geez…
• Your occupation says “Writer” but under “Last book read” you say “Last book I read was a textbook. I wish I read more, but I am just not a big reader. I very much respect those who are able to read, and would love to get back into the swing of things.”….seriously? What exactly do you write about if you don’t read? Never mind, don’t answer that. I mean, I’m not much of a reader either but what the fuck? At least I don’t make something related to that my profession! Stop tainting the world with your uneducated text!!! And when you say that you are looking for someone to look past flaws in someone if they make them happy, does that mean I’m supposed to ignore the fact that your neck basically starts at your chin and balloons out from there or that your eyes look two different directions? No, babe. I won’t be clicking on “View Full Sized Photo”- the small 4x4 is scary enough.
• “Fabricator” is NOT an occupation. It’s a fancy word for “liar”. NEXT!
• 
• Listing a woman as your absolute best friend and all the amazing things she’s done for you and that she gives great advice on women is NOT OK. If that were true, you would have met someone by now, but you don’t because you two are diluted to think you’re not in love with each other. Clearly she’s giving you just bad enough advice to keep you single and available for dates with her.  And you, my dear, are just dumb enough not to realize any of this. She probably wrote your fucking eharmony dating profile too and convinced your dumb ass that it’s great and the reason he is STILL on here is because none of these silly women can see what she sees. Wakeup and smell the restraining order, dipshit!    
• “Computer Operate” is NOT a job. It’s what I’m doing write now as I read your stupid profile and type this funny little list. Oh, and listing that you’re looking for “A mature person you don’t have to take care of”….what the fuck?
• “Freelance Video Editor” and NO photo listed… yep. I smell a porno-maker!!!
• Occupation: Unemployed. And you won’t list a picture…the chances of me requesting one are about as high as you are. Hence, you don’t have a job or a chance with me.
• 
• “I’m looking for someone who’s into gaming. I’ve been a gamer all my life.” Offfffff course you have. That’s why you have a bullshit job, and you’re alone at 26…and on EHarmony. Because you can stay logged on to meet your potential gamer match, and keep your games up, and keep chatting with your WoW guild-friends. How’s that?? Well, you savvy gamers have at LEAST 2 computer screens running. "Every day" =D
• Titling a HORRIBLE picture of you looking tired, fat, and unhappy with the caption: "Leaving work, July 2009 (the sun was in my eyes!)" is realllly not helping your case, baby. And then your ONLY OTHER PHOTO is of you from 2007? Just an FYI: it's 201  - A backwards baseball cap? Really? Is that supposed to make me swoon? And that "seductive" face you're trying? Yeah. You look angry. And constipated.  - Titling your "name" as "GdGuy4GdGirl" is "RFS" (really fucking stupid) and you should be "PIBM" (punched in the babymaker). You're a redhead for fuck's sake. At least try to make up for your hideous hair and ginger-like complexion with some intelligence and purpose to your life.  - IF I agree to meet you for dinner, and then your afternoon nap "runs too long" and you don't call me until about 7pm? You better believe I won't answer. Why? Because I'm already eating some delicious Chinese takeout. Should have called in the afternoon to confirm a time and place, jackass. And I'm absolutely going to be a bitch and answer your voice-mail with a text saying "already ate. it's too late." And oh yeah. Don't ask for a reschedule.  

  

  Hello Mansweater

  - Pictures of your face would be great. Pictures of your face looking dumb and confused in an attempt to look seductive or innocent? NOT OK!!!!  - Unless you're Vin Diesel, NEVER WEAR A WIFEBEATER!!!!!  - EHarmony should get rid of their "Send a Smile" button. It's right near the "View All Pictures" button. I don't want to send a smile. I'm looking for new blog material. And then what do you say if you accidentally send someone a smile? Write them an email saying "my bad"? or if they message you just ignore them? way to kill someone's confidence and self esteem! MOVE THE BUTTON!  - Drunk or Hungover pictures where you aren't even looking at the camera are just ridiculous. Seriously? I thought we agreed earlier in this list that these photos are to ATTRACT a girl/guy. NOT disgust them.   - Hating on yourself in a picture with captions like"Another in a long list of proof that I am indeed, not photogenic."is just absurd. Don't you dare think for a second I'm falling for that middle school load of bullshit you just put out there. And really? Do you want pity comments? Cause no one on EH could know you well enough to give a shit if your feelings are hurt.          

Pictures. 1000 Words. Cliche. True.

Painted or drawn, an image sends endless messages as it hangs on a wall, sits in a frame, or glows on a web page or on my fantabulous iPhone. The favorite message that an image can send is one that reminds you of how much you've grown and changed for the better since the photo was taken. As I stumbled across a photo taken 3 and a half years ago I just sat in silence and stared. Even though it was just a picture of me, I just sat...and stared. The picture was me in a casino. It was the first time I'd had a weekend trip with a boyfriend. This boyfriend wound up having a wife. Being young, stupid and naive I believed him and fell for all the lies. Clearly, since it's been 4 years and I'm now 26 and living on my own- the relationship didn't quite work out the way we'd once hoped. It was so weird looking at me smiling back at the camera, smiling at the man behind it- believing I'd found the one, happy with a few cocktails in me, happy that I was done with school and ready to take the next step in my life...or so I thought. What made me happier was sitting on my bed in my apartment and just looking at the picture instead of living the life I would have had if I hadn't woken up and left the relationship.

     It's just so crazy that it's been 4 years since I thought I had it all figured out. 4 years since I made a plan. What the hell did I know at 22? I'll be 27 this year. But I think we all feel this way at one point. Maybe more than one point? After lots of caffeine which I love (See: 'You had me at espresso') I think theres a point in a few of my days throughout the week where I'm ready to take on the world after I run a marathon. But overall, at the end of the day as I lay my head down and review my day- I think of all the things I could have done, that I need to do tomorrow, and where I see things in my life taking me. When I was overseas, I'd wind almost each day down scrolling through photos of home before I closed my eyes. Those photos kept me going. There weren't any captions- just faces looking back at me. Some furry (kitties and doggy...sometimes Dad) and the rest just smiling and happy. 6000 miles away, I knew there were people that love me and missed me. And I knew that no matter how happy I'd been at one point in my life 4 years ago- I'm happier now. Guaranteed.

"You had me at espresso."

Coffee. I love it. "America runs on Dunkin". I live on it. Every day. This liquid form of heaven drips into a pot every morning in my cozy apartment at 0500. Thanks to my snooze button being within reach, I don't pour myself a steamy cup until about 0520...0540...oh who the hell am I kidding. It's usually getting dumped into my pink to-go cup as I dash out the door just in time to catch the HOV lane...and by catch, I mean I hop on it at 0605, sometimes 0610 fully prepared the fend off any cop who might pull me over.
Something about being caffeinated to the point of heart murmurs just makes me happy. Really  happy. But it doesn't have the same effect every day. Some days, it just hits me like a trainwreck. Instantly I'm bouncing off the walls, tripping over my sentences, and making plans for a long run after work. Other days- 4 cups later I feel the buzz and then the feeling of nausea from so much liquid takes over and kills the buzz. Then I just want to nap which feels completely wrong after downing that much coffee.

Europe seems to have the right idea on how to get that fantastic buzz and avoid the feeling of wanting to puke. One word: Espresso. This tiny, shot glass looking cup of coffee is just beyond amazing. Although without sugar, it tastes like licking straight coffee grounds; and small sips are the only way to tolerate it without making the face that resembles the one you would make after shooting warm, cheap tequila. (kinda makes you gag just thinking about it, huh?) But with one sugar pack and a barbie-sized-spoon, you're on your way to looking trendy as you sip your way to a caffeine high like no other. It's one where you convince yourself that running a 1/2 marathon will be fun, that you're going to clean out your closet after the marathon, then field day your apartment. By the end of the day, the buzz has worn off and you're simply exhausted from THINKING about all those things to do. But just one more cup- and it's back to marathon planning!
Anyway. I'm currently shopping for an espresso maker so I will absolutely report back when I find my little gem.

3 Days Before Christmas

My first hour back in the United States was glorious. After spending over 1/2 a year overseas, I learned to appreciate the smaller, more simple things about life. For example- 3 ply toilet paper, orange juice at any moment in the day, Dunkin Donuts coffee, alcohol, something other-than-chicken for every meal...you get my jist. I was excited beyond words as I walked down the brow in a complete daze, leaving the ship far behind me. Had there not been a crowd of hundreds of families, plus several news cameras, I probably would have done a little dance mixed in with obscene hand gestures. However, I maintained my bearing and simply walked down the pier towards the parking lot. As I walked, all these people were smiling, crying, wildly waving their marker and glitter covered posters, waving little American flags, and shouting "thank you!" and "welcome home!" It was surreal. At some point before I got to the end of the pier, I started to have an out of body experience. I turned and looked up at the ship, my home for last year, and felt like I was doing something wrong by leaving. however...since my 'give-a-shit' fell overboard back in May, I just kept walking. That brief flash of guilt was washed away knowing I would be in my cozy apartment in less than an hour.
What I was not ready for was the stellar event that was coming at me- my first trip to McDonalds since April. Ok, let's rephrase that. I was ready- but McDonalds was not. After discovering that my phone would call anyone OTHER than my ride home, I borrowed a phone and told him to meet me at McDonalds. I cheerfully repositioned my belongings and began my victory march toward those golden arches. Through the parkinglot I strode, briskly weaving in between cars, beaming my plastered-on-smile. As I walked up the steps, I could almost smell the coffee and taste the biscuits. I went in, dropped my things, and got in line. Much to my horror, the cashier flipped the menu and announced that breakfast was over. No juice, no buttery biscuits with eggs and cheese, no hashbrowns in a grease soaked wrapper. Suffice to say, I was crushed. Quickly, I thought that I'd be ok with a burger, fries, and coke. At least it wasn't chicken. Another line opened up, and I stepped over to place my order for a high-calorie-yet-much-missed-American staple meal. Unfortunately an older, round couple made it to the counter first. Yes, they were round and clearly fast food was a staple of their large existence. No big deal, or so I thought. My dreams of a quick snack while waiting were slowly destroyed as the woman placed an order for at least 10 meals, all with specific instructions that resembled Meg Ryan's character out of "When Harry Met Sally". During that time, as my rage built up, I realized that McDonalds was out of soda and only had blue powerade and water to drink. Blue powerade will never enter my body again. Not after a 12 week diet of it at one point in my life. This was it. Before I screamed at the woman and ordered her into the galley to make the fucking food herself, I walked away. I had to. My rage was about to spill over and she would be the lucky recipient of a bountiful helping. I gave up and just stifled my hunger induced rage to go sit down and wait for the roommate. We will now refer to him as RM. Finally he showed up and the one thing that salvaged my day was not the sight of someone familiar, it was driving his brand spanking new Mercedes complete with seat heaters all the way home.
Yay America!

Random exciting news

While bored off my gord (sp?) at work I was playing on www.theoatmeal.com. Learned that my tummy could support 2 tapeworms. Strange...