The GRA- Your Secret Best Friend

~This post is dedicated to my Rookie. Muahlalalala!!!!!~

The Great Relationship Abyss. She's an invisible force that recognizes how much your current flame sucks and quickly removes it from your life. It's for your own good. How does it work? Read on...

Your eyes meet. Heart races. His smile melts your insides. Lunches, dinners, kisses, meeting each others' friends and/or families. Before you know it you're imagining the monogrammed towels with your new initials hanging in the bathroom at your perfect new home together.

<Insert GRA. much munch munch.>

The next thing you know, it's been a few days [or is it weeks?] since he called. Trying not to panic, you leave him a breezy voice message... followed up by a breezy text. A few more days/weeks pass. He must be busy with work. Maybe he's out of the country.  Did his dog die? Maybe his phone broke. Or the tower fell down?  After you've run out of excuses as to why you haven't seen your 'sweet-baboo', the yucky truth rears it's yucky head. The GRA ate him! You're suddenly single. Again.

Men are not on the GRA's menu. Therefore, your former PMM is NOT a man. He's a C-O-W-A-R-D and will be referred as such from here on out.. Say it out loud._______ Good girl! Now, while listing all the reasons a coward just up and runs away from a relationship would be fun and entertaining, I'll save you amazing readers some time [cause we'll list those reasons in a new post] and sum it up:  

BECAUSE HE SUCKS AT LIFE!

Seriously. So stop caring RIGHT NOW! If a man stops seeing you and doesn't provide a reason- and your relationship lasted more than a month- then you shouldn't waste a 'single minute' (literally) waiting for an explanation. Period.

You kiss your mother with those lying lips??

I say this because it's happened to me quite a few times. If a relationship is going nowhere, don't waste each others' time. Just be honest, and end it. The truly gracious thing to do (though this rarely happens) would be to tell the person how much you've enjoyed their company, but don't feel a romantic connection. If you genuinely want to be friends, say that. Otherwise, save it. 

Telling an FSG "let's just be friends" is like Joan Rivers complimenting Snookie. It's a lie. Don't believe it. Furthermore, no FSG wants to be "just friends" with someone who has [likely] seen her naked and still chosen to break it off. Imagine trying to make small talk while wondering if he's picturing you naked? (PS- He will. He's a guy and he's straight. It's genetic. Deal with it.)

When the GRA eats your man, it hurts. It sucks. You want to know why because every FSG wants an explanation for being wronged! You keep imagining all the things you'd say to him and how hard you would slap him across the face if he were to walk through the door at that moment.  But here's the cold hard facts:

Any reason  EXCUSE a coward could provide is going to:

1. Be a lie.

2. Not be worth the time you would have taken to listen.

3. Piss you off...royally.

Secret Option 4. Be fair game for my next post!

 So, after the table is cleared from the GRA's latest meal (aka: your former man) you'll find a new feeling. And it's called gratitude. Be grateful that the she has removed such a piece of shit from your life. Now you're free to find someone truly deserving of your time and efforts. Who wouldn't want to be with you?  

You're FABULOUS!!!