SSB PART II
When we meet a guy, our behavior instantly changes. Whether we like to admit it or not, it does. Whether we’re dreaming about monogrammed towels or simply planning for date number 3 with the FB (typically known as the ‘sex date’). But until we meet said FB, we are just our SS.
As previously mentioned, many guys have some particularly scary SSB. My research for the traits I mentioned has been thorough- mostly coming from former FBs, PH’s, SB’s, and finally my current roommates. (Bless their hearts). Gents, I by no means, do not think that women are incapable demonstrate behavior that it just as disturbing. I have seen girls’ apartments that would even make a homeless man’s skin crawl. Let’s face it- not everyone learned proper toilet scrubbing techniques. But a girl’s SSB is probably more quirky and comical, where a guy’s SSB is more of a health department case.
Girl SSB includes:
- eating ice cream directly from the pint. Ok. Tub. Eating it from the tub.
- making funny little snacks like this: 5 unsalted crackers, each topped with a small amount of peanut butter, then chocolate chips. Microwave for 10 second then eat. Pairs great with ice cold moo-juice.
- eating Chinese takeout while lying in bed…on a Friday night.
- having drinks with another FSG on a Friday night...via Skype.
- having drinks with another FSG on a Friday night...via Skype.
- devoting every Sunday morning to a full on field day of your apartment. A pot of coffee, Britney Spears on full blast, and rubber gloves…yay!
- singing in the shower
- not shaving your legs more than 2x/week.
- wearing granny-panties at random
- watching sad girly movies that you know will make you cry
- excessive shoe shopping
- going out with your other FSG’s disguised as DGs just for an ego boost
- cheesy romance novels
- weekly spa-pedicures
- only ordering pizza when you know the adorable pizza guy will be delivering
- singing at the top of your lungs in the car
- wearing big sunglasses.
- 3 hour lunches on weekends that often result in extreme intoxication, fueling you into a blur of a Saturday night. (WARNING: may lead to DS with an ONS)
- window shopping on a Saturday afternoon. For 3 hours.
- staying in your PJs all day.
- buying yourself flowers to brighten up the apartment.
- having dinner parties just so you can cook a full meal without the guilt of knowing you won’t eat the leftovers. Hungry guests=no leftovers PLUS they bring great booze.
- looking at facebook pages of old boyfriends in the hopes that they’re fat or dating someone fat and ugly.
- rearranging furniture
- redecorating. For the 3rd time this year.
- talking yourself into a home improvement project like painting a wall in the apartment, or retiling the bathroom floor. Then realizing you probably shouldn’t. And you can’t.
- re-reading love letters from old FB’s and [hopefully] laughing.
- Wine Nights at your apartment with your FSG’s.
- slathering thick lotion on your hands and sleeping with socks on them.
- Going out with your FSG’s with just enough $ for a cab home. Mission? Drink free all night. It’s bad, but we do it. Deal with it.
- staying home on a Friday for Saturday night simply to have quiet snuggle time with your pets.
- never closing the bathroom door
- "re-gifting" an unwanted gift to a former FSG, who has committed the cardinal sin of forsaking her FSGs for her new FB.
- "re-gifting" an unwanted gift to a former FSG, who has committed the cardinal sin of forsaking her FSGs for her new FB.
- air drying after a shower
- checking every nook and cranny when returning home to an empty apartment and before locking up at night. There are crazy people in the world and they’re not welcome in my home.
- baking every recipe on the back of a ‘Bisquik’ box in one day.
- yoga in the living room
- making chocolate chip cookies only so you can eat the dough
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