Are You Even Fertile?

     Last Saturday night, my boss hosted my co-workers and I for a little gathering to farewell a departing colleague. The invitation included spouses/significant others. Not wanting to put any awkward pressure on a new friend (we'll call him B), this FSG decided to pick up another colleague and make the best of it. Besides, I had plans to catch up with B after the little shin dig at the boss's house. Plus the little fat girl that lives inside of me would NEVER turn down free food and booze! My day pre-party was leisurely. Got off work at 0700, took a nap, cleaned the apartment, and waited for the cable guy. While waiting, B and I were texting and when I mentioned how much I was dreading the party he offered to be my wing-man. Yay! The idea of showing up to yet another command/department function sans-date was really just annoying because the last few times I've flown solo, I spent the majority of my evening forcing a smile, trying to stomach bad food, mingling with unfriendly spouses of my male co-workers, and politely explaining [in between large gulps of wine] that I didn't have time to find a date and no I'm not a lesbian. By the end of the night I'd quietly slip out the door and go home. With a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

'Me looking fabulous. What do you see?'

     ANYWAY...so I was really excited that B actually volunteered to come to my mando-fun with me. No matter how bad the evening went, having him there would definitely keep things fun. So we hopped in the car picked up my colleague, and got there thanks to B's excellent navigation skills. (Yes, readers. I relinquished control of my GPS and allowed someone else to navigate. Shocking, I know, considering my 'enthusiasm' for control.) The party was lots of fun, the food was great, and for once I wasn't having an extended-awkward-turtle-moment with my colleagues.

     We left the party around 10:30pm to get my colleague back to his house and little girls. As we' re driving, he drunkenly begins what we'll now refer to as "Questions NEVER To Ask In Front of a Wing-Man." It began as career goals and what my plans are for me. I provided vague answers in the interest of keeping the conversation light and breezy. Then he asks, "Well, do you want to have a family?" I think my skin began crawling at this point but as you'll soon discover, it was too soon for that. "Yes, one day" I replied. Silence....more silence. Then he says, "Wait, are you even fertile?" Silence. I was like "WHAT?? OMG! What the hell kind of question is that??" Then he presses, "Well, are you?" I wanted to die. I yelled "I don't know! Can we change the damn subject??"  I mean, what the hell? B's head was in his hands because he was laughing so hard. It was funny...after the fact.

..... At least it makes for hilarious jokes during lulls in conversation.

...not a reason to reproduce.