Things A Girl NEVER Wants To Hear from a Nail Tech

Being a girlie girl, maintaining my nails and toes is imperative. I love to have my little tootsies scrubbed and polished every few weeks. For that 1 hour, I can relax in a massaging chair and the toughest decision I make is "wha cola i wan". Recently, I had the pleasure of enjoying a little self pampering in my new neighborhood. Nervous to try a new nail salon, I decided to braved a Mall Salon. This saved me a 30 minute drive to the little suite I frequented bi-monthly in my last neighborhood. By the time I left, I felt like I needed to go scrub my entire body with clorox bleach just to remove the filth I felt. Ironically enough, it wasn't from unclean tools or a dirty salon. It was from the nail tech.

I opted for a new set of french tips on my digits, and postponed a pedicure until I observed how this new-to-me salon operated. Smartest decision ever. A chubby little Asian man who called himself 'Mike' sat down and asked how he could help me. Apparently, patiently sitting at his manicure station didn't make it obvious enough that I was there for a nail treatment. Did he think I got lost on the way to Starbucks or something? I politely explained I was in need of a new set, as most of my acrylics were on their last dying hope of staying attached to my fingernails. Then I clarified exactly how I wanted the new set to look and shape I preferred my nails to be filed into. At this point he should have known I was a serious gal when it comes to a well groomed hand on a lady. Instead, he commented that perhaps I'd like them filed into points so I could really scratch up my boyfriend during sex... Yep. He actually said that.

Me luv u long time

I changed the subject immediately and asked if he'd seen any good movies lately. Perhaps affording him another opportunity to NOT taste his own feet. The effort was pointless. The topic of animals came up and I asked him if he liked cats. He said "No. I hate them and kick them when they come near me. But I do love p****." He was serious. The discomfort level was rising higher than the 4" wedge sandals I had on. Then he commented on how much he loves spring because women dress sexier, showing more skin and he loves to look. Sitting there in my brand new, flowery strapless sundress suddenly left me feeling like I was in my underwear. God knows what he was imagining me [not] wearing as he worked on my nails.

Again, I changed the subject. "Do you have a family?" He answered "Yes". When I asked how many children he had, he said he didn't know and that none of them lived with him. They were with his grandparents and they don't miss him because they don't like him. Shocker! By this time he was finishing up and my nails looked FANTASTIC! As I was paying him, and he actually had the nerve to write his personal # on a business card from the counter and hand it to me. Really, dude? You just met me and used the "P-word", you actually kick cats, and don't seem to know [or want to admit] how many children you have. If it was up to us to repopulate the earth, the human species would die with me because I'd use my "claws" you so-carefully-filed to rip you to pieces. That way I could die alone. NOT covered in shame and disgust.


Serious Note: This nail salon is located at the McArthur Center in downtown Norfolk. There are two of them there. NEVER go to either. Ever.